It’s about 1:40 in the morning here in California. I woke up a little after going to sleep, not feeling so great, got out of bed and checked my blood sugar. And… it was high. Which it hasn’t been for months. There are about a dozen reasons that it could be high, and I’ll be up for a little while, waiting it out so that I can sleep with ease. I took some of the herbal remedies as a first step, one called “blood sugar harmony” has been very helpful, moving around, being up also helps a lot.
I used to have months at a time where I would be up late waiting for my blood sugar to come down. My sugar would sky rocket over 300 or 400 (that’s really bad if you are wondering) and I would be terrified to fall asleep, that’s when diabetic comas and other bad things happen. For me, when my blood sugar gets higher I get really bad and vivid dreams, I haven’t figured out why this happens, only that it’s a good wake up call, and gets me out of bed and checking my numbers.
As I stared at the number on my bood sugar monitor I held back from crying. I’ve had months and months of good numbers, I’ve done everything right, and yet my body seems to be working something out, causing an elevated number. This is not necesarily bad, just a reminder that under stress, my body still acts like a diabetic body.
I felt like a failure for a moment as I looked at the monitor, like somehow it meant I was not doing a good job. I had to remind myself that there will be days in which it doesn’t go my way, but more so, imagine if I was still the way I was a year ago? This was every single day, and it was exhausting. Now these nights are very few and far between. And I’m learning more and more about the things that stress my body out, and how I can prevent any high sugar days.
Nights like this – where my sugar is high, but nowhere near as high as it used to get, remind me of how far I have come. I really do not know how I survived living the way I was for so long. And this is where I will get preachy… If you are headed towards diabetes or you are there, or you need to lose some belly fat, please do not let anything, any food, any person get in your way. These night? They SUCK. The nights in the past where I was terrified to fall asleep because I was unsure if I would wake up, they are nowhere near fun. Having diabetes is like playing Russian roulette. It’s not worth it. If I could somehow give you an idea what it all really feels like, just so that you could do whatever it takes to prevent or reverse it now, I would. Tonight for me, is nowhere near the worst that is has been. High sugar has lead to serious depression, severe edema, severe infections, not being able to think, poor circulation, and that is really just the top of the list, and I am one of the lucky ones.
If you are reading this and you are on your way here, stop. Stop yourself in your tracks and ask yourself what you are doing to yourself. Stop yourself and ask if the road ahead is one that you want to take chances on. Sure, you could keep eating the way you are, and you could keep getting the same results, and you could take your chances, but do you really want to do that? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to be right about whatever you are holding onto regarding your perceptions of food? Is it worth sitting on your butt rather than going for a walk? Is it worth watching that TV show or being on-line? Is it worth the drive through meal or the junk food? Is it worth that cigarette? Is it really worth the road you are headed down?
I’ve traveled down the road for you, I can tell you what is up ahead, and I am asking that you trust me. Don’t follow in my foot steps, turn around now, and head towards a new road. A road where you are worth the effort of changing your life. A road where you live and thrive. A road in which you do every thing in your power to be healthy, where you put aside your addictions, your fears and your comforts and where you decide that you are worth it. Decide right now that you are worth the effort of changing the way you see food, the way you consume food. Decide right now that you will do as much research as you can, and that you will stop making excuses and put as much effort into your life as you can. Decide that you do not want to head down the road you are headed.
Tonight reminded me of every single night that I went through, that I wished that I could have had one glimpse of what the road ahead of me was going to be like. One small glimpse that would have been my warning to do whatever it was going to take to take care of myself.
Stop waiting for it to get worse. Stop thinking that you will start eating right tomorrow, or next week, or next month. And start believing that you are worth being alive and well, that you are worth not heading down a road that will be filled with a lot of pain and late nights. Believe that there is an answer and be accept that you may have failed to get to it, but you are here, and you have EVERY THING you need to move forward.
And know that, if you really want to choose a different road, that I’m here for you. I’ll do whatever it takes to support anyone who needs some supporting. And I can assure you that there is a very amazing community of people that will do the same. You are not alone in this, but you alone have to make the decision.
I know that in the morning, after my sugar has come down, and after I’ve rested, I will read this post, and not remember exactly what it was that I wrote. I know that when my sugar gets high I loose a lot of being soft and gentle about the way I speak. Which is precisely why I will post this anyway. And, a note to myself for the morning – you are doing a damn good job, and one bad night will not get you down, you will move on and learn, and you can be proud of the person that you are, and how far yo have come. love.. yourself, at an insane time of night.