You deserve to become socially comfortable. Here’s why you are already good enough and actually many things about your personality which rock — and can help you be successful in life!
Shy And Introverted People Are Often The Most Successful Kind
In the western world, we tend to overlook
the qualities that shy and introverted people have. Thus, we tend to
miss the fact that many of the most successful people ever
have (or had) a shy or introverted nature.
If you also have this nature, take it as the sign of intelligence and capacity to succeed that it really is.
The following people are (or were) shy or introverted, yet successful and well-liked. Equally, as a human being with similar traits, you can also go far with your personality.
|Abraham Lincoln||Barack Obama|
|Eleanor Roosevelt||Albert Einstein|
|David Beckham||Nicole Kidman|
|Daniel Radcliffe||Julia Roberts|
|Brad Pitt||Harrison Ford|
It would seem as if, from that list, I’m expecting you to become the next US president or at the very least, a universally well-known actor/actress! Whilst you’re welcome to go for those careers, the names listed were merely used to make this point:
Shyness and introversion are
amazing personality characteristics. If you have one of them, or both,
you can be proud that they are a part of you.
“Extroverts tend to get more praise. How
do I deal with that?”
Instead of being offended by this, take advantage of it. Praise from others sometimes comes, but often it doesn’t. You need praise all day every day, which is too often to expect from others. Here’s the solution…
Learn to value your own judgement and judge your personal qualities by how much they impress YOU. Why? Because you’re the only one who can be relied on to offer the amount of praise that you need.
What if you can’t find anything worth praising? Firstly, there IS something, you’re just overlooking it. Secondly, do things that impress you. For example building this website impresses me, and thus I praise myself for it.
Praise yourself because YOU think something
you did, or something you are, is amazing. Only YOUR opinion holds any
power. Other people’s opinions hold no power – unless, of course, you
allow their opinions to hold power.
Once you have the habit of
self-praise, you won’t
need praise from
Once you’re consistently giving yourself positive messages, praise from other people becomes a welcome bonus rather than a need. For example people can compliment me or say nothing. Either way I know I’m freakin’ awesome.
You can always count on your own internal
praise, once it’s a trait you’ve developed. To the contrary, praise
from others is very unpredictable; it may or may not come. You’re much
better off relying on yourself to decide how awesome you are.
Persist and you will be rewarded!
Offering yourself praise feels weird to begin with, which is why most people either opt not to try it or to give up quickly. New stuff always feels strange because we are hardwired to resist change.
Now that you can understand your resistance, you’re in a position to break through it! Persist with self-positivity for 10 days, despite it not feeling right. If after 10 days you’re sick of it, stop. If not, do another 20 days and see how much less suffering you encounter (it’ll be quite a lot less).
Nine Amazing Personality Traits: Are Any Of Them Yours?
People suffering from social anxiety often have some of the following personality characteristics:
A desire to connect or get along well with others, and make a good job of whatever they’re doing.
To contrast this, more extroverted people will tend to want control or will need to feel that they’re ‘no.1’.
Shy people use the “pause to check” technique. They assess a situation, looking for what to expect. This allows them the time to decide the best way to approach so that everything goes swimmingly. Differently, non-shy people charge straight in.
Introverted people enjoy time by themselves. This gives them the capacity to develop skills that would be strained by having any distractions (other people) around. Such skills include painting and writing (Heard of J.K. Rowling?!)
Shy people tend to be very patient. They have the nerve to stick at things that take a long time to blossom. Anything worthwhile in life takes time to develop – and it’s often shy people that have enough about them to keep going long-term.
Shy people tend to be more sensitive to other’s feelings and thoughts, unlike very bold people. The ability to feel like you care about someone else’s situation is rare. If you possess it, consider it to be the amazing, potentially world-changing talent that it really is.
Shy people, with enough confidence, make amazing leaders.
The world has had many ruthless leaders, and their approach often fails. It is the caring and reflective nature of shy people that makes them good leaders.
It’s also in shy people’s nature not to shout the loudest. Unfortunately, shouting the loudest is often how you get selected as a leader.
We all need people to support us, listen to us, and love us. If you’re shy, it’s very likely that you’re able to cater to such needs in others.
These are compassionate qualities and they are the key to a happier future for the people on this planet. Do you support and listen to people the best you can? Feel proud, because you’re playing an active part in improving the standard of life.
Shy people’s behaviour often involves co-operation and trust building – instead of trying to dominate or defeat. Dominance and the desire to win don’t breed happiness, but co-operation and trust do.
If you’re co-operative and trustworthy, please don’t leave appreciating yourself for these things any longer. You deserve so much credit for them.
Which of those qualities are a
part of you?|
Remind yourself of them on a continuous basis!
How to use your qualities to deal with social anxiety
You, like all of us do, will have your flaws or shortcomings. When these negativities grab your attention, remind yourself that:
A. Everyone has weaknesses. And…
B. That you have some of the above, or other, strengths.
Doing that will be vital if you’re going to overcome your anxiety, especially in the early stages.
Steering clear of constant negative thoughts is a large part of the battle to overcome this problem.
Beneath The Surface, Your Social Skills Are At Least Average
I know it may seem as if your social ability are bad sometimes, but when you learn to relax you gain access to your real social skills – the ones currently lying dormant.
Given that I don’t know you, how can I be so sure that your social skills are OK? Because I know you better than you think, since I know what I used to be like before I decided to overcame my social anxiety…
I know that your social skills underneath are likely to be good because people that develop social anxiety are usually emotionally sensitive. An emotionally sensitive person is very often a good listener – and listening is the best social skill there is.
So I’ve jumped to the conclusion that you’re sensitive and that such a quality allows you to be a good listener.
You’re able to listen, whilst most people are just waiting for their turn to speak. This is amazing because when someone can see that you’re actually taking in what they’re saying, they’ll think a lot more of you.
Also, good conversation comes from using what the other person is saying as a way of finding something to say back. My point is this: even if currently you find yourself lost for words in conversation, the fact that you don’t mind listening means that you can learn to find stuff to say because listening is the key ingredient.
Your Imperfections Are Good For You.
There are imperfect things about you, and you probably don’t like them. What if I told you that your imperfections are part of the reason people are drawn to you?
You may not believe me – but you should because as always, I’m right. Well sometimes I’m wrong (imperfection, ya see?) But I’m not wrong this time.
When you show a weakness or flaw, people can relate to you, because they know that they also have weaknesses. To demonstrate imperfection, is to show yourself up to be just as human as other people are – and that makes you seem friendly and approachable.
Let’s say that you managed to cut out all signs of your imperfections, and nobody ever saw evidence of them. You’d then be the only person in your area who appears to be perfect. This would cause disconnection with others, who see themselves as imperfect, and you as perfect.
The disconnection with people, caused by appearing to be perfect – that disconnection would make you imperfect because disconnection from people is not good. You cannot win the game of perfection!
Take home lesson? Embrace the weaknesses and imperfections you’ve got. They’re good things. People love ’em – and that makes your imperfections, perfect for you.
You’re human. You can’t get rid of your natural flaws. This makes accepting them and learning to live with them crucial.
Your Discontentment With Life Will Drive You To Success
I’ll assume that you’re not satisfied with your life the way it is. That dissatisfaction is a good thing about you. It might seem strange for me to say it’s good that you’re not happy with your life, but there’s a reason I say it:
The frustrated energy that you feel because your life isn’t yet the way you want it to be, will become the driving force behind your ability to overcome anxiety and build an awesome life.
Your frustration will give you the drive required to finally get past these annoying anxieties in your life. If you were comfortable with life the way it is, you would never find the motivation to build a greater you, or a fun life. That frustration, as horrible as it seems, is going to turn out as a positive thing.
My point is that your discontentment is an awesome trait. It’s a great thing about you, because it’s going to help you along on your quest to get as much from life as possible. I can’t believe I find myself saying this, but you’re lucky to be discontent…
So many people are comfortable with their lives. Not happy, and not unhappy either. That is SO much worse a place to be. You don’t want that. Why? Because comfortable people never find it within themselves to do what it takes to live life to it’s full. They ‘live’ boring, average existences.
You’re miles ahead of most people on the road to fulfilment, even though it might seem like they’re ahead of you. Your discontent shows that you’re becoming ready for a breakthrough, whilst the people with comfortable lives aren’t ready for that yet
Is It Hard To Believe
Positive Things About Yourself?
To Overcome Social Anxiety,
You Must Tap Into Your Ability To
‘Welcome’ Your Positive Traits
It’s natural to resist giving yourself credit for your personal qualities if you’ve spent a long time turning a blind eye to them…
This resistance is natural because your sense of identity becomes unclear when you start pondering over the possibility that you might be a little more awesome than you thought you were.
You felt safe when you ‘knew’ there wasn’t much good about you, but now that new positive parts of you are coming to light, there’s an air of identity insecurity, and that’s uncomfortable – hence the resistance to believing cool stuff about yourself.
My advice is to recognise your resistance to believing positive new stuff. You now know why it happens, so learn to deal with the resistance and keep telling yourself about the qualities you have.
Persistence will pay off, and the more you believe you’re a worthy person, the more injustice you’ll feel that you suffer from social anxiety. This sense of injustice will be a vital part of creating the determination you’ll need, to do what it takes.
Are You Feeling More Positive Now?
So Let’s Look At How You Can
Rid Social Anxiety for Good.
There is a cure for social anxiety disorder, and the reason that this cure exists, is that you caused your SAD in the first place. Anything we cause ourselves, we can fix, so it’s definitely possible to overcome social phobia.
Next article in this series: Stress Management Techniques List